Facing Your Inner Critic, And Then Showing Up, Anyway. The Two Way Street Of Showing Up To Your Workout Class

Yesterday afternoon, right before launching my first online streaming Primal Prowess class, I went to my go-to excuse -- “nobody's going to show up for me.”

“No one cares, and you're not actually important. What you do isn't actually making a difference in our society.” Facing Your Inner Critic, And Then Showing Up, Anyway.

There’s outcries, violence and desperation in our communities. Teaching women how to move their hips and breathe? How’s that supposed to help changing police brutality and creating equality in our communities? That's not changing the world. Here’s what I experienced in facing my inner critic, and showing up, anyway.

Six weeks of contemplating if anyone would actually show up... if anyone would actually care if I shared a movement practice.

Taking the time to configure live streaming, curating a playlist, clearing space in my living room, bringing all my equipment in to create a seamless experience. 

Putting something out there - inviting people to join me (and risking the chance for them to reject that offer) hits the wound of every birthday party I've ever had, attempting to ask people to come around and support me and show up for me (and oftentimes my biggest heart wounds being touched: You’re not important enough for people to show up for you.)

The only two times I've ever felt that level of camaraderie and community of people who genuinely show up - take time of out of their schedule for me, following through on Girls Nights Out, etc. have been teaching yoga at Island Salt Air in Galveston, and teaching at Yoloha with my local community of women that show up each week here in Charleston.

"I'm a yoga instructor" went hand in hand with "I went to ministry school." 

See, I've underplayed this part of my life for a really long time. Something I was embarrassed of, because of what I made it mean.

Teaching yoga isn’t a real skill. Anyone can do it. If you’re a yoga instructor, you’re just in la-la-land and avoiding getting a real job. You can’t survive off of being a glorified workout instructor.

Moving to Charleston, getting my 200-hour training here, my story was everyone, and their dog was a yoga instructor. Why would anything that I have to offer to make any real difference?

That's the story I made up. That's the voices of judgment I had inside of myself. 

Yet reality couldn't be any more different.

My Experience In Most Yoga Classes I’ve Attended

I've hardly ever made any real connection attending a yoga class. Being an attendee, my experience for a long time has been busy people rolling up, pushing themselves really hard, then rolling out of there as fast as possible. It felt like people only came to exercise their bodies, and then get away from everyone because they're too important.

My theory is the more accurate reality may be they're too terrified to meet new people beyond their circle. As I talked about with Erica Peper on the podcast, once you’re out of school, no one gives you a manual on how to make friends with new people as a grown ass adult.

I Love Making People Uncomfortable On Purpose

I hate this weird distancing culture of stuck up, socially disconnected vibes in a yoga class.

So I've made it my business throughout my teaching career to slow down class and make people uncomfortable on purpose.

“Hi I’m Shelby, I ate frozen Tyson Chicken Nuggets and Reheated A Sweet Potato…”

"I want to you take the next 90 seconds before we get rolling and shake the hand of 3 people around you and tell them what you ate for dinner last night. Example - Hi, my name is Shelby, last night I ate Tyson frozen chicken nuggets and reheated a sweet potato. Ready? Go!"

I've watched rooms full of intimidated people transform into a community of social butterflies.

What I've learned is people are STARVING for real connection. Face-to-face, of identifying and bonding with the people, they're sweating on a mat next to. They're dying to be seen, to be affirmed, to be acknowledged.

What I learned is when I face MY fear, and I continue moving forward in the midst of my doubt — if I don’t stop, I always end up being in service in a way that I didn’t see coming. Goodness always rises up to meet me. Beauty happens. I get to be a part of that magic.

I usually have to lull down the roar that erupts after people begin recounting their dinner details, and the energy of the entire room shifts in moments like this.

My Favorite Weight Lifting Instructor Of All Time

I have a weight lifting class with one of my all-time favorite instructors teaches, Emily. Pre-quarantine, I attended it religiously. Being in her presence and the space she holds feels like a spiritual experience. Since quarantine, I fell out of touch and wasn't able to participate in that weekly ritual. 

Monday was the first-day in-person classes opened up. Being in the room with her, I had an entirely different experience. 

I Get To Support HER

As a student or attendee -- I've been so focused on myself typically. Looking to pull from the instructor's strength. But on Monday? In the thick of following through with risking put myself out there, sharing teaser clips to spike interest all over social media, spending hours building emails building interest -- to be in the room with my favorite weight lifting instructor I realized my heart was so FULL getting to be there to support HER. 

I got to show up for her! To be there for her! To celebrate this woman that brings so much light, and strength -- emotionally, mentally, and DEFINITELY physically into my life. 

Give Her The Opportunity To Shine

As much strength as I get from being in the room, more than ever, I see the beauty in giving my leaders, mentors, and teachers the opportunity to lead!

Part of a leader's journey is coming alive is when she's at her pulpit. For my weightlifting instructor, Emily? Yes, it looks like a barbell and weights and a bench, but it's a blank canvas every morning she gets the chance to share what's inside her heart. And let me tell you, what is in that woman's heart is GOLD. 

Absolute goosebump-initiating messages of encouragement. I’ve had tears streaming down my cheeks on a bench press.  I have released pent up anger and stuck emotions lifting big weight doing squats. I have felt uncountable moments of support and camaraderie being in her presence.

Empowering Her To Lead Me

Until this week, I never saw that this is a form of women supporting women. Through me showing up to get "my" workout -- I'm able to be there for her. I'm able to love her. To empower her to lead me. To lean into her and let her spread her beautiful wings of strength and speak her wisdom. Let her waters of wisdom overflow. 

Teaching this morning on my first Zoom class, having 7 women hop on the call and practice with me, to put the effort and willpower and commitment to show up -- they showed up not only for themselves but they showed up for me.

Mrs. Johnson’s Golden Rule

My elementary school music teacher Mrs. Johnson used to say, "Treat others the way you want to be treated." I'm going to do my best to show up to as many classes as I can -- not only to give myself that gift but to love the women around me. 

Show Up For Her

What's the way you lead in your life?

Who are the women who glean from your experience and presence?

Who looks to you for advice, for inspiration?

I invite you in this time of uncertainty, where our routines are smashed, where society and the status quo is being completely reinvented -- show up for her. 

The world needs you to share your brilliance now more than ever before!!

[Also, if you’re in the local Charleston community — Emily teaches at Gold’s Gym On James Island — she teaches throughout the week and she is incredible!! You’ve got to come take one of her classes if you’re in town!]